Dear All

Dear All,

Don't give up your hope. In times when you feel you are losing everything you believed in, you need to understand that someone does care. I care. I care to hear the things you believe in and want to achieve, and if one day you find that you are feeling alone, know that I care. Take comfort and solace in knowing that this world has so much to offer you, and if you take a moment to surrender to it, it will give you more than you can ever imagine.

Don't give up.

A Belief in Nothingness

I sometimes wonder if I care of the world around me--or if it cares back. I find myself missing deadlines, making false claims, and always running to catch up. What is within me that makes me profess these ideas to all that around me, and then never finish what was started? At times I am the modern Renaissance man, capable of dipping my brushes into the plethora of opportunities that are around me, but then I fall back, I am engulfed, and I am the master of nothing.

I want to find the diagnosis of this disease that is inside me. See, what I must make clear is that “I know!” I know I take up too much and don’t finish enough, I know I care for some things but do not show it, and I know I want to be something in life but have no plan. I know all these things to be true, but my question is why can I not change these things?

For years I have fumbled with this question and at times it has taken me to the most extreme trenches of my mind, clouded with so much confusion and pain that I almost take regrettable actions.

I have always told myself that if I can just get it together; if I can just do what I believe in then nothing will be able to stop me. But I forgot one thing, what I believed in. Belief in something may be termed an ideology --a set of ideas that discusses one's goals, expectations, and actions – but what if it was more? What if what you believed in was not something you set up, but something that always there for you to find, but you just never noticed it or lost it?

I had come to India with a goal: to understand myself and this world around me, and somewhere along the way I forgot both. I forgot that I cared for issues, and I was taken over by the endless amounts of problems that seem unsurpassable. I had diagnosed my disease: it was not caring or believing in anything; it was the idea that nothing really mattered – but it did, and it does.

I cannot change my past, but I can change my present and thus changing my future. But if I am to do anything I must first cure the plague in my mind, I must believe in something or all is lost in nothingness.